This is about my rendezvous with a six-year-old child.
A few days back, a mother and a small child walked up to me, and the mother said, “We have heard, you are also a life coach, Ajit Panicker”
I said, “Yes, I am, for all those who seek me as one.”
The mother said, “My child has a question for you. Something that is troubling her.”
“I see. So my child, what is it that you wish to know. Please ask” I said.
The child was hesitant and trying to hide behind her mother. That’s so much like a six-year-old. Isn’t it?
“So should I tell him what you want to know?” the mother asked her daughter.
“No, I will tell him” she mumbled.
“Great then. Tell me your name first” I said.
She said “Mini”
“Wow Mini, you have such a wonderful name. It’s so cute” I complimented her.
“Uncle. I don’t feel confident. Have not won any FIRST prizes so far. I always feel others are doing better than me. They would do better than me. I don’t feel like trying too hard or too much. Isn’t it fine even if we don’t win? What’s there in winning or losing? It doesn’t matter. What matters is that we try.” she said, all in one breath, as if she was holding it all.
I was zapped. How could anyone in this world expect a six-year-old to possess this kind of wisdom?
This small child has a mind to think, question, clarify, look for answers, in all probability to improve. She had made my day.
I said, “Beta, you are so wise. I am highly impressed. But tell me one thing, why do you think you can’t do better if others are doing good. Practically you can’t compete alone. But yes one thing you can do is to let others do what they are doing. You simply focus on the best you can put up”
She said, “How will I not think about them? They are all around me. I notice them. How can I avoid seeing them?”
“Yes, you will notice them. But they or their performance should not affect you. You have to practice this. If it is a dance or say singing or maybe drawing, you should compare yourself with what YOU did last time. What were the mistakes YOU made? How to improve upon them? And not how good others are.” like a boastful Life Coach I tried.
“How do I do it? When my sister rides faster than me, I feel defeated. Likewise, when my friend runs faster than me, I feel down. When my classmates give answers faster than me, I feel sad. I am not able to accept this.”
Now, I was feeling like, I am repeating what Lord Krishna did for Arjuna.
What I was most amazed by was the kind of self-talk she had been doing all this while. Probably a lot of credit goes to her parenting. The parents had probably helped the child just be herself, talk, think, question, and not get into the race trap. I am saying this because not once did the child say that my mother or father ask to do this or that.
My love, when you are part of a group which is competing, it is natural that someone would come first and someone would come last. But the question is what should matter more to you? The final result or the process you went through. What I mean is the process of preparation, correcting yourself, improving yourself with every practice, accepting feedback, and working on them before the performance. That is what makes you do what you put up as a performance. If you will think, you will put all your focus on winning the first or second, or third prizes, without going through the real grind, the process, you will never win. But if you focus all your energy on preparation and go and simply put up your best performance, there are huge chances.
This answer was much more simplified when I explained it to that six-year-old. But guys isn’t it true.
What a rendezvous!
Takeaways – Let your children be themselves. Let them talk, express, question, reason out, do self-talk, provide an environment where they can speak out, help them as coaches. Parents can actually be the best coaches for their children.